Postal Babes

Posted by Dan Mousavi On May - 3 - 2010

Postal Babes promises a edgy game right in the title, but instead of a great and silly romp through a university full of lunatics, you get a game that is unbeatable because of bad controls.

Based on a promotion for Postal, the Postal Babes are hot chicks in skimpy costumes, who promote the games from running with scissors, but the game is developed by the russian company HeroCraft. In the game you control 2 of them, while terrorists attack your local university. In the beginnning you don’t have any weapons and need to rely on your kick, until you get some better weapons, like a baseball bat or a machete. Right from the start you are greeted with a control scheme straight from hell. Instead of simply implementing D-Pad controls, little buttons are placed around the screen, while this works ok for navigating left and right, fighting and precise controls are an absolute nightmare. That’s ok for the first few levels, with a lot of trial and error you can beat them, but in the 7th Level you are screwed, there you need to precisely deliver Headshots in a Sniper mini-game and after a week of trying im pretty sure it’s impossible and the most horrendous task I’ve tried in a long time.

The graphics in the game are acceptable, they didn’t get blown-up or anything from the S60v3 version to fit the screen, instead the higher resolution is used to display more of the level. The music has a lot of repetition to it and doesn’t do much for the game and the effects sound like a deaf person got a sound library in their hands. If you hear a high pitched peep in the background, it is supposed to be a cheerleader screaming. I didn’t realized it until I had to escort a horde of screeching blonde bimbos and abandoned them to save my ears. Collision and fighting is a joke, you just spam the attack button and pray to god that you are not too close while firing or swinging, or you will do a stupid and uneffective close combat move. While the levels are short, they still manage to frustrate you with stuff like jump passages right at the level exit and enemies that’ll kill you if you don’t shoot them while their off screen, if you’re not a jedi, expect frustrating deaths until you know the complete layout and spawn points of the later levels.

It could’ve been so easy, to make a fun little gaming romp with chicks in a Postal bloodbath, hot chicks and gore are already the perfect ingredients for a tongue in cheek gorefest and with a halfway usable control scheme and fair levels I would’ve recommended at least the free version (full game ad-supported). But since the 7th level is unbeatable and the levels before frustrated me even more with trial and error, I recommend to stay far away from this game. Give the free version a spin to see the first few levels to get your gore and boobie fix, but don’t bother trying to beat it in it’s current state.

Look forward to our video review of the game, so you can see my suffering. Until then, here are a few Postal Babes to brighten up this article:
More Hot Postal Babes

Android Market Link

  • A0101484

    You can beat level 7 (took me 2 hours) if u attack 2 bad guys from below then 3 on top and keep on alternating